"How you give is more important than what you give"

by Johann Campbell

How we give has a great impact on our sense of contentment and greatly affects our relationships. When you give do you give with strings attached? Do you set conditions on the use of the "gift"? Of course not, you say. OK, if you gave your child a gift and your child either broke it, sold it, swapped it or gave it away, what would your reaction be? If you react the way most people would, then you would be upset at the child's ingratitude.

The problem is that we give with expectations. We expect people to be grateful for what we have done for them and we expect them to show it and preferably to reciprocate by giving, or doing, something for us in return.

As soon as you have expectations of the recipient or set conditions on the "gift" then it is not a gift it is a sale, but it is forced sale one where the buyer is put into a position that they may not have chosen for themselves if they had, had the opportunity to choose.

And you know what I am talking about, tell me that there isn't something in your house that you would really like to get rid of but you keep it for fear of offending the person who "gave" it to you. How much pleasure do you get from that "gift"?

If we do not learn to give without expectation then we create a barrier to contentment and happiness in our lives. If you constantly "give" something be it a gift, a compliment, an invite, whatever, with an underlying implication that you expect something in return, you will soon find that the response you get is not one of excitement, thanks and gratitude but rather a suspicious "I wonder what he/she wants now".

Sometimes the receiver of your "generous" action does not appreciate it as much as you expected them to, or does not return the "favour" You then feel hurt and wonder why you bothered in the first place. You may even become angry with the "ungrateful" person and so ruin the relationship.

Learn to cut the strings, have no attachment to the gift. Give because you feel like giving, not because you feel you must. Give because you want to give, not to return a favour. Give because it gives you pleasure, not because you want to impress someone or have a hold on them.

Release ownership the moment you have decided to give, then give freely, no conditions, no expectations, because "How you give is more important than what you give"

Johann Campbell is an IBO affiliated with Harteis International of South Africa.

About Fred Harteis, Harteis International, IBOAI, and Biznet Productions :